I have been working through the process of grieving my father's death. I guess working isn't really the right word. I have been swept up in this process and I am a willing participant. My relationship with my father has been the most challenging relationship I have had in my life. I really did work to have a relationship with him. I had a lot of anger and sadness toward him for the experiences we had together for most of my life.
I really didn't want to live my life through those experiences, but to set myself free to forgive him and have some sort of relationship with him.
I was successful in that effort for a couple of years toward the end of his life and that was really rewarding for me on so many levels. No matter what happened in our lives, no matter how much I didn't like him a lot of times, I did love him.
It is a very strange experience when a parent dies. From where I sit, it feels like there was something anchoring me that isn't there anymore. There was entanglement that is gone. It is a feeling like no other I have experienced so far. It is different moment to moment and day to day. It will be there as long as it is there, maybe always.
Grief is a deep river or at least that's what it feels like to me. It has the power to excavate me from the trenches of my own guilt and fear. It is giving me the opportunity to be swept clean of anything that is not love. It is enabling me to be with others who are grieving. It is a gift of freedom. It is a tribute to living my life as a universal source of love and light. It is grace. I am humbled.
I really didn't want to live my life through those experiences, but to set myself free to forgive him and have some sort of relationship with him.
I was successful in that effort for a couple of years toward the end of his life and that was really rewarding for me on so many levels. No matter what happened in our lives, no matter how much I didn't like him a lot of times, I did love him.
It is a very strange experience when a parent dies. From where I sit, it feels like there was something anchoring me that isn't there anymore. There was entanglement that is gone. It is a feeling like no other I have experienced so far. It is different moment to moment and day to day. It will be there as long as it is there, maybe always.
Grief is a deep river or at least that's what it feels like to me. It has the power to excavate me from the trenches of my own guilt and fear. It is giving me the opportunity to be swept clean of anything that is not love. It is enabling me to be with others who are grieving. It is a gift of freedom. It is a tribute to living my life as a universal source of love and light. It is grace. I am humbled.